Why Are We So Mean to Ourselves?

This hiatus from blogging has been awful! I guess full blown mommyhood life has taken over and it's hard for me to find time for EVERYTHING lol. I think you partially expect that once you become a parent, but a part of you always wants to be that 1% that defies the odds. Well guess what? I wasn't that 1%.

So the main reason for my post today is to have an outlet for all of the things/emotions that have taken hold of me recently. It's funny, you never hear about this part of the postpartum. The overwhelming emotions and thoughts that fly through your head. You feel abnormal, sick, maybe a little crazy. You're definitely 100% sleep deprived.You just feel alone in your path and scared to reach for help. I know I did, and I don't think I'm alone when it comes to experiencing  those feelings. Luckily I decided to reach out to my good friend T about all this.. and I'm so glad I did.

See the problem was I was just being too mean to myself. Telling myself that everytime she cried I was failing or that I wasn't good enough as a mother to figure out what she wanted. Everyday was an internal battle with myself. Was I too fat? I saw women who had babies around the same time I did get back quickly to their pre-pregnancy weight. I felt awful and inadequadate. My husband, poor guy (lol), did everything he could to tell me it would be okay. He would listen to me, let me cry on his should and tell me everything would be okay. He reassured me that I was a great mom and I had nothing to worry about. Even though we had been together for almost 13 years, at this point in time we really became a team. He was my biggest cheerleader and I really needed him to be right then and there.

So why? Why are we so mean to ourselves? Why do we close ourselves off to the world? Why do we put up a front that we're supermoms when secretly we want to cry and eat the whole damn box of oreos? Why do we look at ourselves in the mirror and mentally draw a circle around all the flaws that we have? I don't know. I honestly don't. What we need more of is cheerleaders (N - you're a rockstar). People that support us. People that take the time to look at you and say - you're not crazy, I've been there and you're going to be okay.

So why do I write this? Because for some weird reason people reach out to me when I post stuff like this. I show my vulnerabilities and become human for a second. What a concept...

So now what? Well, I've learned to cut myself some slack. I talked to women who loved me (thanks mom). I let myself cry; I found a new focus; and I told myself it would be okay. And you know what? So far it's working. I've definitely had a lot of external pressures this week, but I think I'll always have them. I've just got to learn to cope better.


So enough depressing stuff. Here's the sunshine in my life right now: