Seventeen More Pounds...

that's all I have left to lose. It seems like a lot when you look at the number, but after losing 38 pounds - this seems like nothing. I've been trying really hard to eat healthier. It's hard since we live in a society where convenience is everything. However, that also means that healthier food options are coming people!!!

Which brings me to my next point - I have been hooked on this new place called Fit Life Food. It's freaking awesome. So far I've tried about 4-6 different meals that they offer and they've tasted amazing. I want to try doing this for about 4 weeks to see what it can do for me. I've got my weight watcher's (WW) weigh in tomorrow so I'm curious to see if I've lost a little more weight. I now only use WW to track my weight.

So what have I done in the mean time? I've been doing those weekly Fitbit Challenges which is awesome. I've also tried to get some workout videos (Jillian Michaels) and walks/runs in when I can. I think I accepted the fact that I can't qualify for Boston next year which has me really bummed, but it's okay. I am totally going to aim for it the following year. I didn't know you had to qualify for it so early in the year - makes sense.

Todays Workout: Jillian Michaels DVD in the morning followed by a 30 minute walk/run combo with my mom in the afternoon. She's been getting into running which has been an awesome thing to see. I'm starting her off easy and incorporating 30 second runs every 2 minutes so she can begin to build her cardio. She's been walking on her own, but I'm not sure at what pace so these runs should really get her heart rate going. I'm so happy that she's trying to aim for a healthier lifestyle. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get in a 3 mile run. I'm not sure if I'll worry about my speed since I'm trying to heal from the onset of plantar fascitis. I'll just listen to my body and let it guide me. Hopefully I can blog about it tomorrow.

Well I'm going to run and shower while the baby is sleeping.. until my next post.... Happy Trails :)


Pre-children I used to say I was tired all of the time. Well, I truly did not know the meaning of tired until now. Now, I shouldn't complain too much because luckily my child slept through the night starting at 10 weeks old. However, recently we're going through the dreaded four month sleep regression. This thing is no joke and now my child wakes up at random points throughout the night. Now the tricky part about this whole thing is that some nights she'll sleep through the entire night. Sounds great if I wasn't breastfeeding...

Anyways, my real reason for this post is that even though I'm dead tired 99% of the time, I still want to work out. Working out for me has been my outlet and no matter how stressed out I've been, I'm completely at peace after a solid run. This past week I've been able to get in a couple of runs which has been great. I can see myself slowly improve and it makes me feel accomplished. Which bring me to my next point...

I have foolishly decided to try and qualify for Boston. I know it seems like an outlandish goal but it makes me happy and gives me a focus point. In order to qualify I need to hit BQ (Boston Qualifying)time  (3:35 marathon time) by April of the previous year. That seems pretty crazy.... however, I'm going to try and go for it. My race - 2017 Fort Lauderdale A1A. I PR'd for it 3 years ago in the half marathon by 10 MINUTES!!! Crazy, huh? The course is flat and fast which would make it perfect. I'm most likely going to sign up for it within a month so I can force myself to admit that this is happening. Trust me I want it to happen but I'm just scared. Scared that I won't make my goal. I know that there's always the next year but... well you know me. I'm sort of am overachiever.

So for now I'm slowly building up  my mileage and trying not to go too hard too fast so I can prevent injury. I want to start jogging with the stroller more because it kicks my heart's butt in the cardiovascular department. Today I'm thinking about trying to squeeze in a 2-3 mile run with the stroller. Hopefully it won't be too hot.

On a side note my weight loss has been slowly happening. I've officially got less than 20 pounds to lose (out of 55). I'm trying out this new "food program" - Fitlife Foods. They're a store front for healthy meals - think food delivery service but without having to commit to anything. It works for me because I can pick them up and keep them for my lunches. I'm hoping this will speed up my weightloss and get me back to where I would like to be.

So that's all folks... until the next time I can post...

Why Are We So Mean to Ourselves?

This hiatus from blogging has been awful! I guess full blown mommyhood life has taken over and it's hard for me to find time for EVERYTHING lol. I think you partially expect that once you become a parent, but a part of you always wants to be that 1% that defies the odds. Well guess what? I wasn't that 1%.

So the main reason for my post today is to have an outlet for all of the things/emotions that have taken hold of me recently. It's funny, you never hear about this part of the postpartum. The overwhelming emotions and thoughts that fly through your head. You feel abnormal, sick, maybe a little crazy. You're definitely 100% sleep deprived.You just feel alone in your path and scared to reach for help. I know I did, and I don't think I'm alone when it comes to experiencing  those feelings. Luckily I decided to reach out to my good friend T about all this.. and I'm so glad I did.

See the problem was I was just being too mean to myself. Telling myself that everytime she cried I was failing or that I wasn't good enough as a mother to figure out what she wanted. Everyday was an internal battle with myself. Was I too fat? I saw women who had babies around the same time I did get back quickly to their pre-pregnancy weight. I felt awful and inadequadate. My husband, poor guy (lol), did everything he could to tell me it would be okay. He would listen to me, let me cry on his should and tell me everything would be okay. He reassured me that I was a great mom and I had nothing to worry about. Even though we had been together for almost 13 years, at this point in time we really became a team. He was my biggest cheerleader and I really needed him to be right then and there.

So why? Why are we so mean to ourselves? Why do we close ourselves off to the world? Why do we put up a front that we're supermoms when secretly we want to cry and eat the whole damn box of oreos? Why do we look at ourselves in the mirror and mentally draw a circle around all the flaws that we have? I don't know. I honestly don't. What we need more of is cheerleaders (N - you're a rockstar). People that support us. People that take the time to look at you and say - you're not crazy, I've been there and you're going to be okay.

So why do I write this? Because for some weird reason people reach out to me when I post stuff like this. I show my vulnerabilities and become human for a second. What a concept...

So now what? Well, I've learned to cut myself some slack. I talked to women who loved me (thanks mom). I let myself cry; I found a new focus; and I told myself it would be okay. And you know what? So far it's working. I've definitely had a lot of external pressures this week, but I think I'll always have them. I've just got to learn to cope better.

So enough depressing stuff. Here's the sunshine in my life right now:

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