My Struggle In Getting Pregnant

I'm not too sure how well received this post will be. However, I felt like it was time for me to finally share my story. It's not an awful story, but it's one not too many people know about. People mostly don't know about it because who really feels that comfortable telling someone that they're trying to get pregnant and have been trying for over a year? That you feel as though something is wrong with you and you can't get an answer until after you hit the year mark. So here goes my story. I'm hoping that in sharing it, it'll make people more comfortable asking questions and talking to each other about it.

So even though I've already given you a preview, I figured I would give you a little bit more background. I've been trying to get pregnant for well over a year. During that time I was trying to get answers for that pesky "heart condition" that I started noticing probably about 2ish years ago. I figured that before I created another life inside of me, I should figure out if my heart condition was going to effect a baby in any way. After a bunch of testing, they determined that I should be fine once I'm pregnant. During this time we stopped trying for a month. Each month I would be disappointed over not being pregnant. I just didn't understand. I knew that 6-12 months was a normal timeframe, but honestly, I didn't know anyone my age who had this problem.

Not. One. Single. Person.

As much as I was excited for my friends' pregnancies (and trust me I was), I couldn't help but feel broken. Like something was wrong with me and that I might not be able to fix it. You can try to go to your doctor before a year of trying to get testing, but they'll tell you the same thing everyone else tells you - it's normal. Let me tell you something, it's not normal to you. And no matter what anyone else tells you, you still feel empty inside. And you know what - that to me is normal.

My husband tried reassuring me that everything was okay and that we would have a baby no matter what,either biologically or through adoption. That we we're destined to be parents. And you know what, I'm lucky to have a husband who shared that belief with me. I'll never forget that moment he told me to look at his benefits package for the new job he got in July. When I got to the adoption section I absolutely lost it. His company helped provide a stipend to those employees who wanted to adopt. It was as though we had gotten a sign.

Fast forward to the week I found out I was pregnant. The first day I suspected it, I took a pregnancy test that night and it came back negative. I was absolutely crushed and so was my husband. He kept asking me how accurate those tests were and I finally snapped. I lost it and pretty much told him to leave me alone. We agreed to call the doctor the next day. So I called the doctor and had to admit out loud that we were having trouble and wanted to look into further testing. They made my appointment for the following week and that was that.

That night I called the doctor I went to Orange Theory and something felt off. My "below average" heart rate was all over the place. I started thinking... that maybe that test wasn't as accurate as I had suspected. But, I decided to wait one more day before testing again. So the next night I took the test again and guess what? I had a super faint pink line. (Side note: Those stupid pregnancy tests are awful to read; you strain your eyes looking for that stupid pink line). I decided to take a digital one that told you if you were "pregnant" or "not pregnant" the next day.  When I took it I was so anxious. I literally felt crazy excitement and sheer terror when I saw I was pregnant. I woke my husband up at 5:00AM and said holy sh*% I really am pregnant. He kinda laughed it off and fell back asleep. When I called the doctor back it was almost comical. I ended up getting the same lady I had originally made the appointment with and we just laughed it off.

I thought the worst part would be over but it wasn't. Once you finally get pregnant, there is all his worry about having a miscarriage. Since it took me so long to even get pregnant that anxiety felt 10 times worse. No one talks about miscarriages and almost everyone you talk to makes you feel as though you will end up having one. It's awful. I fell into a deep sadness mixed in with a constant state of being worried. I was so negative just because I felt like I had to prepare for the worst. Luckily I didn't end up having one, but other women aren't so lucky and as much as you try to sympathize with them  - I don't think you can really know what it feels like unless you have gone down that road yourself.

I'm now well into my second trimester and counting down the days until the third trimester. I still worry about her all of the time. Hoping that she is healthy and the whole labor process is like 2 seconds long lol. I can't control what happens from here on out, but I still worry about it. I think worrying is the first natural stage of being a parent. I guess this is what it's like to be a good parent too. Some parents could give two craps about their kids, and that's not okay. It's unnatural.

I still try to take it one day at a time. I'm on these pregnancy forums where you read about some of the awful things that can happen even this late in the game. I have trust in God that everything will be okay, and honestly, if not, I know He has a plan for me. I'd probably be a wreck still, but I can't control it. For now, I'm trying to be more positive about this pregnancy and enjoying the major milestones I'm hitting. I'm sure I'll keep blogging giving pieces of my pregnancy to the public and hoping that in one way or another it helps someone else out. Until my next post, happy trails :)


  1. You write so beautifully! It felt like you were sharing this story with me live as I read it. Sending you prayers that you savor and enjoy this part of your pregnancy. And I admire that you shared your story, and you're SO right, we all should talk candidly about this difficult stuff so we can speak truth and encouragement to each other. xo.

  2. My sister tried for 3 years! She would say it herself, she felt broken.I personally had a miscarriage and those were the darkest days of my life. I wrote about it in my blog and you would be shocked to know how many people we know who have had one.

    But yay you are having a baby!!!

  3. My sister tried for 3 years! She would say it herself, she felt broken.I personally had a miscarriage and those were the darkest days of my life. I wrote about it in my blog and you would be shocked to know how many people we know who have had one.

    But yay you are having a baby!!!


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