Our Struggles

I'm taking today off ;) Every once in a while I get lazy and don't feel like getting a workout in. So why am I blogging? I guess it's to talk about something more than just working out lol.

It's funny; I read some of my past blog posts and I can't believe how much has changed since I started blogging. Reading some of it has been upsetting (the post about my grandpa), but some of it has been great to read (my first half ironman experience). However some of the things that I realized while reading my blog is that I have had my fair share of struggles. My main struggles are overthinking situations way too much, trying hard to be perfect, believing way too much in my self doubt, and calling myself a failure more than I would like to. It made me realize I am way too hard on myself. I really need to stop. It's obviously not going to happen overnight, but it needs to happen.

I know as I get older I'll get wiser. Well, I'm hoping to anyways. I'm sure the fact that I act like a five year old every once in a while doesn't help my situation, but it's so much more fun then acting my true age lol. Life is way too short to take things so seriously. Which brings me to my next point, I need to stop thinking and worrying about what people think or expect of me and just be myself. I try to be myself for the most part, but every once in a while I try to hide myself. It's hard for me, but I do it.

So where do I go from here? I'm not too sure. I guess try to figure out what I want out of life and just go for it head first. There's a lot I still want to accomplish. I want to be a mom at some point. I know I don't talk about that a lot, but it's mostly because it scares the bejesus out of me. The fact that I'm responsible for someone other than myself is ridiculously scary. I'm still not too sure where I want my career to go, but I think I'm getting closer at figuring that part out. I want to keep doing my workout thing, and strive to get better. Mostly, I want to be happy every day, and stop being my own worst critic. I'll get there eventually; I know it.

Triathlon Season Has Begun!!

It's my favorite time of the year :) Triathlon season!!! Today marks my first real day of training. So how do I start off the season? With a brick of course!!

So my workout today consisted of a 30 minute spin session - 5 minute warmup with 20 minutes of real work (1 minute high intensity spin with 1 minute of a fast recovery spin) followed by a 5 minute cool down. I finished my workout with a one mile run which I clocked in at 7:23. That one mile sucked lol. However, I had some frustrations at work today and this workout was the perfect way for me to channel my aggressions.

Even though that workout was rough, I have to admit that I am probably in the best shape of my life. My current fitness level has provided me with a solid foundation for this tri season. I know that I have to cycle more this season since that is my weakest sport, and at some point I need to get in the pool. However for now, I am still going to run as much as I can and throw in some cycling and pool time.

Well, I am off to finish watching one of my favorite shows : Extreme Makeover - Weight loss Edition.

Clearing My Head..

Sometimes during my long runs I let my mind just drift. I work things out mentally as I blast my headphones and lengthen my strides. Today I had one of those runs. It was absolutely amazing, plus I ran without my Garmin :)

It's almost liberating running without a Garmin. You have no idea how fast you're going or even your exact distance. Lucky for me I know how long most of the routes are in this area, so I'm guessing I ran almost 5.5 miles. I felt like I was going a decent speed, but I honestly didn't care. Today it was all about being outdoors and listening to my body telling me what speed to run.

During my run I thought about how the past couple of weeks I've been in a rut. I haven't been myself at all, and it sucks. I've also been thinking about my dad a lot. For those of you who don't really know much about me, my dad left my mom when I was a baby. From what I understand he attempted to be in my life the first couple of years and then disappeared. The last time I talked to him I was 15 and it was a disaster. I haven't heard from him since. Funny enough he has another family; guess I wasn't included. I figured since father's day was coming up, I had already started to feel that sadness that I get every year. The same sadness I get during father - daughter dances at weddings. It just plain sucks. 

I've also been stressed about work. Things are just crazy and I try my hardest to get everything done without making mistakes. However, something always comes up. It gets to me. I know you can't think about work once you get home, but it's hard for me not to.

So as I ran, these were some of the things I thought about. All those thoughts had been weighing on my brain heavily. The funny thing is, as I worked all these thoughts out in my head, I realized that I was making a hill out of a breadcrumb (is that even a saying??). Instead of focusing on all this negativity, I should focus on the good things in my life and there's a lot of those. Like let's think about how I have a job, how I have a family who loves me and wants the best for me, or how I have the ability to run. Some people have nothing and who am I to complain about the things I have? 

As I got to the end of my run, I felt absolutely amazing. My run was fantastic and my mind was put to ease. I had the goofiest smile on my face as I stopped to walk. Since I still wanted to be outdoors, I gardened for another 3 hours in the front yard ;)

Oh I also forgot to mention I picked up my race packet for the race on monday.. it should be fun even though I was conned into doing it lol. Oh well :) should still be fun!!

So You Throught You Weren't Sore?

On Sunday I didn't feel sore. I didn't go workout or anything, but I felt fine. So I thought...

Since I felt fine, I wanted to go to my gym and get in a good workout. Here was my first workout:

8 Minute Treadmill Block:
4 Minutes at Base Pace (for me it was 6.5 MPH)
4 minutes at faster than Base Pace (I ended with an 8 MPH)

8 Minute Weight Room Block*:
15 Low Row on SBT Straps
15 knee tucks on the dolly
10 Burpees with a push up

* Please note I started dying during this workout and my muscles felt like they were shaking.

8 Minute Row Block:
Row 1000 Meter in 5 Minute or Less
15 Crunches with a Slam Ball
15 Hip Dips

6 Minute Treadmill Block:
3 Minute of All Out Sprints (Got up to 10.5 MPH)
3 Minute of Rest in between

6 Minute Weight Room Block:
20 Squat Butt Touches
10 Pushups
10 Vups

I feel like I'm missing a Block but I really can't think of what it is. Overall, this workout was ridiculously hard. I instantly became sore during my second block, and progressively felt worse. I did go hard until the very end, but it was like my muscles were crying in agony.

I did foam roll tonight and am hoping to spin tomorrow morning before we take our dog to a surgeon consultation (long story but they think he tore his ACL). Hopefully spinning will get my mind off of this surgery thing and release some of the lactic buildup in my legs.

Goal Achieved!!!!!!!!

The past couple of weeks I've been training to break a 22:00 min/5k. I've been following a training plan, and trying my hardest to hit every goal on my plans, but it's been tough. I've had my fair shares of horrible runs, cramps, knee pains, IBS flare ups, and self doubt. I've also had some good runs, beautiful weather, and time training with fellow runners. The day before the race I was so incredibly nervous. I wanted to throw up. I didn't think I could do it. I had failed so many of my training runs, and this was going to be another failure.

Going to the race I was listening to some JT. Let me tell you something, his CD is ridiculously good. Just the music I needed! I tried getting my mind right, focusing on the race and doing everything I could not to throw up. Now, some of you might think - why are you getting so jacked up over a race? It's just a race. There's a ton of them. Plus is it really worth all this mess? Honestly, yes. Yes it is. Each run has a purpose; for every good run you felt victorious, and for every bad run, you promised to do better the next day. It's absolutely amazing to train for races. And when you finally achieve your goal, you know it was all worth it. You feel like you're on cloud 9 for the rest of the day and you even think about how much further you can push your limits. I absolutely love it. It's what I live for. 

So I finally get to the race and I meet up with M, my friend who put together my training plan. He told me I was going to rock it and we said a quick prayer before the run. It was finally time to start, and right then and there... It was time to do or die...

We're off and we get bogged down by some of the runners on the turn. I make my way up to the front of the pack and I feel absolutely solid. My adrenaline kicks in and I feel like I can actually pull this off. As I pass more and more runners, I get more and more excited. We pass Covenant house and see all the kids cheering for us, and well I kick it in a little bit more. As we start approaching mile 1, I hit my first mark. Then I get to the halfway mark, and my runner's high is quickly fading and I'm starting to approach the oh shiznit phase. I keep treading along trying my hardest to keep it together while my friend M continues to pace me and encourage me. I lose my headband in the process; life is rough. 

With .5 miles left, I am in utter disarray making the ugliest face known to mankind. I am telling M I can't do it, and I'm not going to make it. M pretty much starts yelling at me (it was encouraging words, but he was evil to me at this point) and I try my hardest to keep up my pace. At one point I'm debating about throwing myself at a car (ok not really, but I have had those thoughts before during a race, plus I needed drama in my story lol). I can see the turn for the finish, and my friend M tells me I can still make it and to kick it in. At this point some random woman starts cheering for me, and that's all I needed to kick it in. I see the clock and I can totally make my goal. I sprint it in and stop right at the first time strip. two seconds later my friend M pulls me across the second strip, which was a good thing since the first one didn't record my time lol. I had freaking made it. I felt like absolute crap, but I couldn't stop smiling and tying my hardest to jump up and down. I can't freaking believe it. All that pain and agony was worth it lol. 

I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it. I almost started believing it, but I had done the work, and put in the time. All I needed was a push, and encouragement. Even though I placed third overall female, and got a plaque, it didn't matter. To me racing isn't about that, it's about pushing myself to a place where I never thought I could go, and then wondering when I'm going to do it again ;) 

Not Now!!!

I know.. I do this thing every once in a while where I completely disappear. I swear my excuses are typically solid, and yes... I was stressed out and busy between work, life, and working out. Plus I'm tired, really tired all of the time.

However, I decided to break my silence and update my blog. So, why break this silence? Well after all of my training, my knee has started to hurt me. I've got less than two weeks until the race and my knee flipping hurts. I guess this should happen since I've been training hard and trying to follow my training plan as best as I can. Plus with losing weight (15 pounds to be exact - woot woot), my knee is taking a brunt of everything.

I decided to take today off, figuring that I need rest. I'm debating about whether or not to take tomorrow off, but I'm going to take a look at my training plan and then decide. Well I know this is short, but I'm off again!!!
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