I Love You Grandpa...

So over a month ago my grandpa was taken to the hospital. He was experiencing severe pain in his abdomen, and it resulted in the doctors finding a couple of other things. He had gall stones, a weak heart, and an aneurism. Things looked pretty bad for my grandpa, but we figured things would get better and he would heal.

So I kept on with life. I kept training, kept working, and went to go visit him when I could. But then things got worse. I got the phone call from my mom that told me they did a CAT scan.. and it was aggressive brain cancer. Brain Cancer. He had three months to live, but I personally don't think he has that much longer. I had gone to visit him a couple of times and it all made sense. He kept forgetting things, looked confused, and would barely recognize me. It broke my heart.

I was completely devastated by the news my mom told me. I cried all night. I didn't really sleep that well. The next day my husband and I went to the hospital. I cried when I got there and I knew he sensed something was wrong. See, he doesn't really know what's going on. So when I started crying, he started crying. I think deep down inside he knows. He's always known, the rest of us just couldn't face it. So I stayed with him, talking and trying to avoid the obvious. I was completely torn inside. I don't really know what to do or how to act. Which is so out of character for me lol.

I know death is unavoidable. It's a fate we all have to face. However, when confronted by it I broke down. I had experienced death with a close loved one before: my grandmother. It was horrible. She had lung cancer and turned into a vegetable with the morphine. I didn't want this to happen to grandpa. I know he lived a long life, but for my own selfish reasons I want him to stay. I love him so much and hate to see him the way he is. So small, so lost, and confused.  So I decided to write in my blog, hoping to find some sort of comfort. I know comfort won't come right away, but it will eventually. I'll be going to see him again soon and each time I see him I'll let him know how much I love him.

My half ironman is in November 11. Whether he is alive or not, I will do this race for him. I love you grandpa.